Moscow, St Petersburg……Russian Trip 2008

Ah, Russian trip-are there even words adequate enough to convey how absolutely excellent on every single plane of human existence you were? I think not. Move over Odysseus, because this, my friends, was a journey of truly epic proportions. Gulliver got nothin’ on us.

Having survived the three hour flight on a suspicious-looking sausage and a showing of St. Trinian’s, we arrived in the outskirts of Moscow. Miss Limbert was so colourfully attired that it was remarked of her apparel that she looked like a ‘’new rave carrot lady’’. And by ‘’remarked’’ I clearly mean ‘’by me’’. Though it was apparent that -since our last visit- the good people of Moscow still hadn’t quite got the hang of people management, and we ended up waiting an ungodly amount of time in passport control. Miss Limbert released some pent-up rage by shouting at a guide. But apart from that, it was a veritable jamboree.

When in Moscow, we stayed at Casino Cosmos (aka Las Vegas, RU), which was also home to a charming array of slot machines and a superb exotic dancing club. There, we were treated to a tour of the beautiful city by a simply fantastic woman known only as ‘Galina’. Miss Limbert took a shine to her immediately and they have plans to go skiing in Omsk. Although Galina’s constant assertions that Lenin was ‘a genius’ and Stalin a ‘wonderful man’ unnerved us at first, we soon grew into one big happy communist-sympathising family. There were plenty of delicious pancakes to be had also, although actually getting what you ordered remained a bit of snag. We gasped at St. Basil’s Cathedral, we became hysterical in the Kremlin, Maggie Lund was nearly hospitalised after an incident involving President Putin and a mango. Yes, it was that exciting.

In St. Petersburg we did much of the same. I don’t even have to tell you how  incredible everything was, because I’m sure you’re getting that impression already. On the Nevsky Prospect, we had the good fortune to befriend some lovely chaps and chapesses in McDonald’s. Our cross-cultural bond was cemented when a young man let out a lusty bellow of ‘’bye-BYE’’ as we skipped gaily into the snow. Needless to say it made us feel warm and fuzzy inside.

It was a dark and stormy night when we arranged to go bowling, and we had got no further than the mouth of the motorway before the bus ran into a snowstorm of biblical proportions (did it ever snow in the bible?) and it was clear that we weren’t going to make it. By chance, we were due to visit a Russian school and meet the pupils on the morrow, and to pass the time, Miss Limbert –in her infinite wisdom- suggested that we prepare a song to delight them with. It went very smoothly; we gave a haunting rendition of ‘Ekh Dorogi’. But then some stupid attention seeking remark or other landed me in charge of a bus of over-tired children, with the intention of organising a second piece for our concert. My people needed me. They rejected my initial suggestion of a seven-part harmony of Total Eclipse Of The Heart and a Kate Bush medley (philistines), but in the end the day was saved when I successfully conducted a wonderful Don’t Stop Me Now. Everyone had their faith in humanity restored and an excellent time was had by all.

But especially by me. Obviously. We also found out that Ms Payne’s mum used to go out with folk-rock troubadour Donovan! Go ask her about it, I’m sure she’ll give you the juice. I bought many chocolate eggs that night.

Meeting the pupils was lovely, especially since they appeared to have spent months putting together a concert and a school tour for us, whereas we had just thrown together some eighties hair-rock on a bus nine hours ago. I was so consumed with guilt that I felt compelled to confess this to our newfound chums, and I hijacked a microphone and gave them the 411. Their headmistress looked slightly taken aback and I assume covered it up by translation. I have never been more glad of a language barrier in all my life.

 

'Burnt by the Sun' 

n April 2006 the Russian department visited Russia. We spent three days in Moscow and three days in St. Petersburg, looking at the monuments and capitalising on the girls' interests, including visiting Yusupov's Palace.

Please click here for photos.